That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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