I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
honey bunches of taint.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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