This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
