Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
