he thought i was a dude.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
