Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
