I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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