Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom