Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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