Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.