Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.