She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
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I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.