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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.

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• (925): View more from California

  its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool

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• (714): View more from California

  So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.

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• (661): View more from California

  I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.

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