may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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