my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.