smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.