i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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