watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
