believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
