even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
