I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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