I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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