I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The air was thick with penises
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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