i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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