who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
