i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
