i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Every concussion has its silver lining
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
