the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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