I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
