Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
