i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
