Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize