This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
