you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize