whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
