I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
