K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
