It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
