but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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