so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
