i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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