I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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