just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
