i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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