having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
