My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
