I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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