i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
