im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
