According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
