lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
