Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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