if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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