i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
