he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
