Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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