Those balls look pretty dangerous.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
