You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you win again, gameday.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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