Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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