I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
where are you?
Hypothermia
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
