no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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