I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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