If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
