I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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