Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
