he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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