I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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