Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
