one might say we're banned from that church
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
