wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
