Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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