My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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