His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
