The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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