thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize