I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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