he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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