You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
