Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
