I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
