You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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