I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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