Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
