Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
ok first of all what the fuck
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
