I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize