Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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