I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
