New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
