did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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