i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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