Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am one with the molecules
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
