he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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