I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
